HAPPY FESTIVUS!

Cosas Totum wishes to wish everyone the happiest of Festivuses this year. To celebrate, a donation has been made in your name to The Human Fund. We also offer the following tips:

  1. During the Airing of the Grievances, really lay into those for whom it is their first Festivus. It’s important to let them know that life isn’t fair and Festivus isn’t for the weak.
  2. Apply baby oil, petroleum jelly, or even some extra virgin olive oil to your shoulders, neck, midsection, and ankles to prevent your opponents from maintaining a strong hold on you during the Feats of Strength. Remember, Festivus is not over until the head of the household is pinned.
  3. Be sure to set a place at the Festivus table for the late Frank Costanza, who founded Festivus and passed away in May of this year.
  4. Do NOT get your catering from H&H Bagels.
  5. Make sure the lighting on your porch does not render any guests unphotogenic.

Of course, most importantly, have fun. At the end of the evening when you and your family are all around the Festivus Pole (possibly on Zoom) relishing in your shared shun of corporate holidays, harness the spirit of Festivus, which is to provide a holiday outlet for the rest of us.

The Festivus Feats of Strength (2017, Malone University Disc Golf Club) ยท  Disc Golf Scene

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