Quick Hits, Vol. 15

It’s Wednesday, and it’s Cinco de Mayo. Wednesday means it’s time for Quick Hits, and Cinco de Mayo means I’ll be eating three separate taco meals today. For the whole Quick Hits Archive, click here.

Quick Hits

If Raffi had written “Bananaphone” in 2014 instead of 1994, would it have been called “iBananaphone”?

It’s been almost fifty-eight years since a United States president has died in office (John F. Kennedy), which is the longest streak since the founding of the country. I don’t know why, but that seems crazy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad no one has died in office in a while, but it’s just crazy that this is the longest we’ve ever gone without it happening.

It’s baffling to me that asparagus actually grows like this:

Asparagus Farm Images, Stock Photos & Vectors | Shutterstock

Courts have been broadcasting their hearing on Zoom because of Covid. I think more people should watch it to realize how boring court is most of the time. People think being a lawyer is cool, but it isn’t.

Making liquor is difficult. My understanding is that the distillation process is tedious. How on earth did people ever even think to make hard liquor? It’s crazy, isn’t it. Who was the first person to look at some grains and say “I bet I can make that text my ex at 3:30 a.m.?” Of course, by “texting” they just meant smoke signals.

Because of the prevalence and danger of head injuries, I would guess that in 30 years or so, the sport of football will either not exist or be totally unrecognizable to someone who watched how it’s played today.

23 Amazing GIFs Of Hard Football Hits - Page 18 of 24 - TOOATHLETIC TAKES

I don’t care how old I get, the name “Dick Van Dyke” will always make me laugh just a little bit.

All cold coffee sucks.

I can’t be the only man who doesn’t understand why women wear high heels, right? I have heard stories of bosses who require their female employees to wear heels, and I just don’t get it. They don’t look comfortable, they don’t look practical… I mean, if that’s what someone wants to wear, I’m all for that, but I don’t think anyone should ever have to wear high heels.

Here are some pro-tips on how to not be a dick while driving:

  • When entering the freeway, try to be going the speed of the flow of traffic (or the speed limit, ideally) by the time you are set to merge. This avoids people having to slow down to match your 37 miles an hour entry speed;
  • If you have the right-of-way, take it. The system is set up to give certain drivers the right of way, and if you don’t take it, you’re going to screw everything up because it goes against everyone’s training. If you don’t know if you have the right-of-way, shred your license and don’t drive until you know what a right-of-way is;
  • Don’t cut people off. If you are turning onto a busy street and you’re not sure whether you have the room to make it, just wait. It will ultimately be better for everyone if you don’t cause a long line of cars to hit their brakes hard;
  • If a semi truck is in the left lane on the highway, they are likely just there to pass a slower vehicle. Don’t try and zip around them on the right, because that’s just going to slow everyone down. Give the truck an opportunity to get back over to their right, and I promise everything will be good; and
  • Don’t pull over on the highway unless there is literally no other option. I used to litigate car wreck cases and that taught me that pulling onto the side of the road of an interstate or other highway is just asking to get injured or killed. Get as far away from the road as possible.

And in an effort to not end this post on a downer, here’s a gif of Dick Van Dyke:

Dick Van Dyke groovin with a fedora. - GIF on Imgur

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