Quick Hits, Vol. 33

Happy Wednesday, everyone! Wednesday means Quick Hits here at Cosas Totum. If you’re unfamiliar with Quick Hits, these are basically thoughts, observations, witticisms, and other bits of minutia meant to be a quick and easy read on a Wednesday morning (or afternoon, or evening, or even a day other than Wednesday!) For the full archive, click here!

But now, without almost no ado at all, may I humbly present…

Quick Hits

Folded potato chip bliss | Tango Mango

There are few things more cathartic than closing a bunch of tabs, PDFs, and Word documents when you finally complete a massive project.

What is the attraction of the curled-up chips in the bad that make them more desirable than the other ones? Don’t act like you prefer just a regular, round, flat potato chip. You know you want one that’s been curled on itself at least once. Why is that?

The Miss Universe contest is biased towards women of earth.

“Meow” is cat for “woof.”

Cats don't avoid strangers who behave badly towards their owners, unlike  dogs

Speaking of animals talking, can you imagine how chaotic it would be if we actually knew what our pets were thinking? Like, maybe sometimes it would be something sweet like “I love my human roommate and would do anything for them,” but a lot of the time I think it would mainly be “EAT. PETS. SQUIRREL! Pets. Food. HUNGRY. Sleep. PLAY! PLAY! PLAY! I love my human room—SQUIRREL!” Of course with cats it would likely just be “F*** off and feed me” over and over and over.

People think being a lawyer is fun but like 99% of my job is being told that I’m wrong by people who didn’t go to law school.

A huge perk to working at a place where you sit at a desk is being able to keep some bourbon in a drawer. No one will ever know!

Best Billy Mays Oxi Clean GIFs | Gfycat

You think adulthood is buying bottles of wine that have a cork instead of a screw-cap, but adulthood is actually buying the slightly upscale brands of box wine that’re actually pretty good because it’s like three bottles’ worth of wine for $23.

Another sign of adulthood is getting pumped because you know your day will include a stop at Bed, Bath and Beyond. I love that place. I like to look through the “As Seen on TV” section and see how crappy most of those products actually are. Except OxiClean. That one is good.

In lieu of my usual tenth quip here, I want to pay small tribute to Norm MacDonald, who passed yesterday at the age of 61. Norm was hilarious and had two gifts almost unmatched by others: Levity in seriousness, and point of view in outlandishness. Norm could say something funny in an otherwise serious moment without it being uncouth, untoward, or otherwise offensive to the sensibilities of his audience. He could also help anchor things when people were saying outrageous, stupid things around him. His passing is a loss to the world of comedy, and as much as I doubt it will happen, I hope one day we will get another Norm MacDonald type to fill the significant void he’s leaving behind.

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