Happy Wednesday, all! It’s September 22, 2021, and it’s time for another installment of Quick Hits! For the full Quick Hits archive, click here.
As you get older you start to realize that sometimes the best way to start a weekend is with some NyQuil and blackout curtains.
In ancient Egypt, there was a city dedicated to their crocodile-looking god, Sobek. However, when the Greeks got to Egypt, they didn’t call the city by it’s Egyptian name. Instead, they called it Crocodilopolis, and if you don’t think that’s the best name for a city ever, you’re being deliberately obstinate.
“I’m so fancy.”
“Here’s your once chance, Fancy, don’t let me down!”
One hot air balloon in the sky is worth five on the ground, adjusted for inflation.
Do you think when a celebrity hears an impressionist do a spot-on mimic of their voice that they get that same awkward feeling as when you hear your own voice on a recording? If so, people like Frank Caliendo have to be responsible for a lot internal cringing among celebrities.
I like to think of somewhat poetic, ironic, or otherwise fun punishments for life’s everyday frustrations. Here’s an example. If someone takes a full cart of groceries through the express line, they should be punished by having every metal detector they walk through for the rest of their life go off even though they don’t have any metal with them, and therefore have to submit to a frisk search. Airports, police stations, courthouses, sporting events, concerts, etc. Anywhere there’s a metal detector, the offender should be getting frisked.
“You know what? You make me mad!”
“Oh yeah? Well you make me mad, too. What do you wanna do about it?”
“I’m gonna kick your ass. That’s what I’m gonna do about it. Are you available Thursday?”
“No, I can’t Thursday. How about Friday?”
“Sorry, my niece has a recital Friday. Saturday?”
“Yeah but let’s make it in the evening. Does that work for you?”
“Yeah, Saturday night’s alright for fighting.”
Doing something to someone in their dreams is way different than doing something to someone in their sleep, and that’s pretty odd, considering how closely related dreams and sleep are. Just one of the fun quirks of English, I suppose.
The question shouldn’t be “how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.” The question should be “why would one concern themselves with the leisure activities of a rodent?”
Today marks 27 years to the day since the first episode of Friends premiered, so in case you weren’t already feeling ancient, I hope you do now.