What’s up, y’all? It’s Wednesday, and that means it’s time for more Quick Hits! For the full Quick Hits archive, click here. Now, without further ado…
Why would anyone sell sea shells down by the sea shore? The sea shore likely has hundred of sea shells that can be taken free of charge. As a capitalist, I’m proud of the seller because she somehow found a market for sea shells down by the sea shore. But as a voter and taxpayer I’m pretty worried about the people buying sea shells down by the sea shore when they could just walk the shore and find plenty.
New rule: If a person is stopped in the middle of a concourse at any large venue (airport, sports arena, concert hall, etc.), pedestrians are required to plow right through them at full speed, then the inconsiderate dicks who stopped there in the first place are required to buy the pedestrian a drink as a “thank you” for calling such buttholery to the attention of the offenders.
You know what’s just absolutely incredible? Sandwiches. Both the fact that sandwiches exist and that it took literally thousands of years of consistent breadmaking before anyone thought to slide some stuff in between two slices of bread is incredible. Sandwiches are awesome.
Why do we bother saying Great Wall “of China”? Are there other great walls out there? I’ve never heard of any others. Maybe the Great Wall of Refugio, Texas? Or the Great Wall of Ogden, Utah? Nope? Those aren’t real things? Okay, then maybe we can just come together as a society can drop the “of China” portion of the title.
I know this segment is called “Quick Hits,” but more often than not it takes me quite a while to write them. Maybe I’m getting less creative as I get older.
A cool thing about being alive today is how spoiled we are by smartphones and the Internet. We have the entire knowledge of the universe at our fingertips, something people would have killed for less than 50 years ago, and we use it to play games and then get upset when those games have ads between rounds.
If you see a reflection of someone’s butt, whatever you’re looking into is a rear view mirror.
I wish we applied “horsepower” to things other than vehicles. I would love to know the horsepower of an NFL defensive lineman at full speed. It might not be much, but it’s impressive when you think about how much stronger horses are than people.
The hardest thing about being an adult is forcing myself to eat plenty of vegetables when I can easily afford to have pizza and burritos every night if I wanted to.
One of the more underrated things about dogs is how they are complete posers. If you act excited, they act excited, and so it’s super fun to get a dog all pumped by enthusiastically saying really depressing stuff. “The economy is on shaky legs and at some point I’m going to go through the third once-in-a-generation recession/depression!” I say with an upbeat rhythm as my dog wags his tail and shows he’s excited about it.