Quick Hits, Vol. 50

Can you believe I’ve done fifty of these? I can’t. Unreal. Anyway, happy Wednesday and welcome to the FIFTIETH edition of Quick Hits! For the full Quick Hits archive, click here.

But now, without further delay, may I present . . .

Quick Hits

Getting old blows sometimes, man. I used to be able to dunk a basketball jumping flatfooted, but recently it took me two tries to get out of the chair in my living room.

Fat Man Tries To Dunk GIFs | Tenor

If a woman goes into labor on a plane heading from Tokyo to San Francisco shortly after midnight on January 1, 2023, there is a chance that the plane will cross the International Date Line and lose a day. If that happens, there is a possibility that the baby could be born on January 1, 2023 but spend a good chunk of its first day in existence on December 31, 2022. It’s like metaphysical time travel!

My definition of “inclement weather” is proportional to the amount that I want to participate in an given activity. For example, if it’s playing golf or going to a concert or something, then it better be thunderstorming or blizzarding. But if it’s going to watch some random relative’s outdoor middle school graduation, then basically it needs to be anything other than perfect outside for me to consider the weather “inclement.”

“And it political news, this morning Congress took a vote on whether horses should be classified as motor vehicles under federal regulations. Though it was close, the neighs won out in the end.”

Mister Ed GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

If I had a dollar for every time someone gave me a nickel’s worth of advice for free, I’d still feel short-changed.

A bird in the hand is worth two birds in the bush, and it’s possible to kill two birds with one stone. So, if there are two birds in bush, there’s one in your hand, meaning the other hand is holding the stone you need to kill the two birds in the bush. However, if you have a stone in your hand, does that mean that’s worth two stones in the bush?

“Mambo No. 5” came out in 1999, which means we’ve now gone 23 years without “Mambo No. 6.”

Has anyone ever met anybody who actually confused DiGiorno for delivery pizza? I think that’s only acceptable if you’ve literally never had pizza before.

One cool thing about working from home in the Age of Covid is that not only have more people realized that most meetings could have been an email, but also that most emails aren’t even all that necessary. It’s kind of cool.

“…and in conclusion, the Pando Aspen Clone, weighing over 13 million pounds, is officially the second-largest living organism on Earth, right behind your mom. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.”

Editor’s Note: I saw this photo the other day. I have no idea if it’s a real TED Talk, but as soon as I saw it I had an idea for that guy ending his TED Talk with a “yo mama” kind of joke, and here we are.

The Top 10 TED Talks Every Man Should See | GQ

Have a great rest of the week, everyone.

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