Quick Hits, Vol. 52

Well, ladies and gentlemen, we did it. This is the fifty-second installment of Quick Hits, and the final installment of Quick Hits for the foreseeable future. What a ride. Once a week for a year. Well, technically it was once a week for 52 out of about 54 weeks, because there were two Wednesdays when I was out of town and couldn’t post, but it’s more romantic to say “once a week for a year.”

The full Quick Hits archive can be found here. Doing Quick Hits has been one of my favorite things here at Cosas Totum because this is just me writing little one-liners and small, two-sentence stories. This whole thing started because I had terrible writer’s block one afternoon. Isn’t that crazy? And look: I know there have been some duds. For example, Volume 24 was not my best effort. However, Volume 5 was pretty good.

Anyhow, sorry for getting all nostalgic. Without further ado, I present…

Quick Hits

If someone from Tatooine didn’t put on any SPF 45 before spending time outside, would you say they got a suns-burn?

Is there a Tatooine out there?

Some might say I’m pretty good at self-effacing humor because I’m too stupid to know I’m being insulted.

You know what is a very weird experience? Finding something in your longtime home that you’ve never noticed before. I recently found a light switch that I’ve literally never seen before in my house that I’ve lived in for over three years. It was weirdly unsettling. I felt less evolved or even downright unobservant. My wife instantly knew what the switch was for because she’s better than me in every way.

Why are Monster Energy drinks called Monster Energy? Do monsters have a lot of energy? I get the feeling that many of them are lethargic. The Loch Ness Monster hasn’t been seen for ages, you don’t really hear stories about Yetis chasing anyone or competing in athletic competitions, and Grimace literally represents McDonald’s, so you know he’s not just chock-full of energy. I don’t get it.

What is McDonald's Grimace? Manager reveals shocking truth

Some people think that a power move is eating fast food at a gym. In reality, the power move is doing a full 90X workout in a Burger King dining room.

You know how in high school if you brought gum to class it created this weird phenomenon where everyone else wanted gum? Some people even made reputations for being the “gum guy” or the “gum girl.” I miss that. I work from home a lot now, but even when I was working in a large office I would bring gum and no one would ask me for a stick. I miss the days when having gum gave you power. Oh well.

Being a health-conscious adult sometimes means Googling how many ounces are in a bottle of wine so you know how many calories you’re about to have with your dinner. For the record, a standard bottle of wine is 750mL/25.4oz.

Wine Bottle Dimensions & Sizes - Wine Storage - WineRacks.com

It’s weird that the word “rampant” is so associated with negative things. No one ever talks about rampant joviality or rampant peace; it’s always rampant racism and rampant idiocy. Rampant doesn’t mean anything negative. It just means flourishing. I think we need to work hard as a society and change the connotation of the word rampant.

People think The Canterbury Tales is some collection of children’s stories, but really it’s pretty adult. Throughout the work, Chaucer used the words “shit,” “piss,” “fart,” and “swyve” which was an early version of the word “screw” as it is used vulgarly. There are also, to use modern parlance, sexual themes and violence. That’s great, isn’t it? Go out and get a copy for yourself and read “The Miller’s Tale.” It’s the raunchiest.

With the Super Bowl coming up, I am once again concerned about the winning team referring to themselves as world champions. Sure, Canada has a football league but the rules are different. But are the Bengals or Rams really going to be world champions? In the sense that they will be the best team in the world, I suppose so. But in the since that they learned that by beating teams from other parts of the world, probably not. They should make 6-man football an Olympic event, then we could really get a world champion.

Super Bowl 2022 odds, line: Rams vs. Bengals picks, predictions from SN  experts | Sportingnews

Okay, everyone. Thank you so much for reading these Quick Hits over the past year. I might come back to them one day, but for now this is the last. Have a great Wednesday and a happy week!

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